Buffy's Real Family(ies)
by mmooch
Summary: **The 'Real Family' Part of the 2013 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts FaD ** series. Her family is now a sci-fi Jerry Springer episode.
1. Chapter 1: August 1, 2013 – Bruce

**Buffy's Real Family(ies)**

Summary: **The 'Real Family' Part of the 2013 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts FaD ** series. Sitting in the mental hospital, Buffy waits for her real dad.

Timeline: pre-series for BtVS; post-series for TIH.

Challenge: for the livejournal 2013 August Fic-a-Day Challenge.

Warning: Not terribly friendly towards Hank or Joyce.

A/N: This year, I thought I'd do three collections for FaD. This one is the YARFF (Yet Another Real Family Fic). If you have any suggestions for family members, please let me know.

Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. The Incredible Hulk was based on characters by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby; the executive producer was Kenneth Johnson. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

**Chapter 1: August 1, 2013 – Buffy's Real Family – Bruce**

**Southern California Mental 'Retreat'**

Buffy sat back in her chair, drumming her fingertips on the armrest while she waited. Apparently her dad had a change of heart and was coming to take her out of the nutfarm. Somehow she seriously doubted that, though. Hank Summers seemed pretty adamant about how disappointed that his 'princess' suddenly went crazy and started to believe in vampires and that she was destined to protect humanity from them.

More likely, he was getting grief about her being so close to home so he was going to ship her out of the state – or maybe the country so people could forget she ever was born.

That, or there was another Merrick-type guy coming to take over her training. If that was the case, she wasn't sure whether she should be grateful they finally showed up or be pissed that they took so long…or if she should just ignore him and hope that she really was delusional and that vampires really didn't exist.

In the end, it wasn't either of those things.

* * *

**Route 66, middle of nowhere, Arizona**

"So how did you find out about me?" Buffy asked her real father once they got away from California.

"After a lab accident I had a long time ago, I wasn't able to care for an infant, and I had legal papers drawn up so my sister-in-law could raise you as her own," he replied, leaving out the fact that those legal papers had been his will and that he was technically dead in the eyes of the law.

The only reason Joyce knew he was really alive was because he saved her and her husband a few years back. Once she realized that the 'monster' who rescued them was her supposedly dead brother-in-law, she made him leave without seeing his daughter. The most he could get from her was that if Buffy ever needed him, Joyce would put an ad in the LA Times, asking for him to come.

He never expected that Joyce would place that ad in hopes that he would get his mentally-unstable daughter out of her shallow society-centered life. His beloved Laura must be rolling over in her grave at the callousness of her sister.

As for the reason Buffy was in the hospital…well, Bruce knew that vampires were real, and if Buffy thought she was this Slayer person, he'd give her a chance to prove it to him before he made any judgments. He told her that she had two choices: either go to a publicly-run hospital – since her adoptive parents wouldn't pay for the private one anymore and he couldn't afford to – or go on the road with him. It saddened him that she didn't even hesitate to choose his life.

Now that he thought about it a bit more, he knew he'd have to tell her the whole truth.

"Let's take a seat in that rest area so we can talk," he said reluctantly. Once he was sure there wasn't anyone within earshot, he started with the car accident that killed his wife and her mother, almost killing her as well. By the time he told her about Dr. Marks' death and his supposed death, Buffy was fighting her tears, but couldn't stop herself from grabbing him in a hug…a hug that would have hurt a lot more if he wasn't who he was.

"God, our lives suck beyond the telling of it!" she exclaimed when she finally pulled away. "You have this sort of split personality deal going on and I'm destined to fight vampires until I die. But I suppose the good news is that I don't have to worry about vampires using you to get to me." Buffy started to giggle as the mental image she came up with crystallized. "Your alter-ego could probably just twist their heads off."

Bruce blushed and cleared his throat embarrassedly. "It's happened a couple times before," he said before she could ask the question. Her sunny laughter made him smile, too. Although it wasn't the best lifestyle for her, maybe this wouldn't be too bad, after all.

* * *

A/N: I'm not entirely sure if I will build on this for my next YARFF or if they'll be standalones.


	2. Chapter 2: August 4, 2013 – Hulk

**Chapter 2: August 4, 2013 – Hulk**

Summary: **The 'Real Family' Part of the 2013 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts FaD** series. Bruce's alter ego helps Buffy with a Slayer problem.

Timeline: sometime in AU season 5 for BtVS; post-series for TIH.

Challenge: for the livejournal 2013 August Fic-a-Day Challenge.

A/N: Uber-short chapter. Before I move on from Bruce, I thought I'd handle the scene that had to happen with the Hulk in Buffy's life. If you have any suggestions for family members, please let me know.

Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. The Incredible Hulk was based on characters by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby; the executive producer was Kenneth Johnson. The scene from this story is based on one from The Avengers, though. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

* * *

**Sunnydale**

Stupid Slayer dreams!

Buffy was fairly sure that if she knew that getting pounded this badly had been in the dream, she would have ignored the darn thing. All she wanted to do was rescue the monk guy and find out about the Dagon Sphere, then bad perm girl shows up to take her hair care frustrations out on Buffy.

"Can you fly?" trampy thing in red asked before throwing her across the room.

Buffy got up to continue the one-sided fight when she saw a movement of green from the corner behind the new big bad. A groan from the monk helped her decide what to do next. She'd save the guy while her dad watched their backs. Apparently Bruce and Hulk didn't like seeing their daughter get beaten up.

Sure enough, as Buffy ran for the window with her rescuee, the villainess started to come after them, but was knocked off course by the Hulk. Buffy and the monk landed in the front of the warehouse and the other two landed on the side.

The monk explained about the Key and the Abomination. How Buffy's sister wasn't really her sister. Which sort of made sense when she thought about it. Her dad might have been willing to take her on the great road trip of life since she was the Slayer and had to deal with crappy stuff already, but why would he have allowed Dawn to live that kind of life?

Meanwhile, on the other side of the warehouse, Hulk was doing a bit better fighting the Abomination than his daughter had fared.

"What the hell are you?" the Abomination screeched at him. "Don't you know who I am?" she cried, not letting him answer the first question. "I am Glorificus! I am a Hellgoddess. You filthy creatures are below me and I will not-"

Her rant was cut off when Hulk grabbed her legs and started smacking her into the asphalt. First on his right side, then on his left…until there were a couple craters next to him. Then he dropped her to find Buffy and the victim she rescued. His daughter's influence on his life and vocabulary showed up as he muttered, "Skanky goddess," before walking away.

* * *

A/N: For anyone who has seen _The Avengers_ movie, you must recognize that scene. If you haven't, at least look up 'Puny god' on youtube. It's freaking hilarious!

By the way, it's been a long time since I've seen the show, so I forgot that Banner's name on the show was David, not Bruce. Most of us know him as Bruce though, so I will keep using that instead of David. I just really liked the nomadic life that the Bill Bixby version lived as a plot twist for newly-Called Slayer Buffy.


	3. Chapter 3: August 7, 2013 – Mystique

**Chapter 3: August 7, 2013 – Mystique**

Chapter Summary: **The 'Real Family' Part of the 2013 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts FaD** series. Mother and daughter are reunited, but will it end happily?

Timeline: post-series for BtVS; after X-Men 2.

Warning: OOCness.

Challenge: for the livejournal 2013 August Fic-a-Day Challenge.

A/N: **Not connected with the first two chapters!** This is a follow-up to my FaD from 2011 _'Going for Help'_. You don't have to read it, but it would explain a couple things if you did. If you have any suggestions for family members, please let me know.

Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. X-Men characters belong to Stan Lee, Jack Kirby and Marvel Comics. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

* * *

**IHOP, North Salem**

Mystique chose a nondescript form as she approached the chain restaurant, her mind racing with questions. Why did Wolverine want to meet her? Why here? Why did he insist on her coming alone? Why did she agree?

At least she knew the answer to the last one.

She came because it was Wolverine. Despite them being on the opposite teams, she still loved him a little. Which sounded weird when one considered how many times she 'tried' to kill him. But she knew how hard that would be and always made sure to pick spots that would seem lethal, but weren't really, even to somebody without his regenerative abilities.

Those days with him were the happiest of her life…until the humans stole everything that mattered from her. First, they took Wolverine, then they forced her to give up her daughter to keep her safe from the likes of Stryker. That monster wasn't satisfied with experimenting on Wolverine, but Mystique managed to escape before she had to give birth. She had heard his plans for her and Wolverine's baby.

As soon as she was thousands of miles away, she found a place to lay low until she gave birth. At first she was just going to sneak into a hospital and drop her daughter off, but when she got to the nursery, she saw that one of the babies had died in her sleep. Replacing that baby with hers would raise fewer flags than the staff finding an extra baby. And hopefully she wouldn't display any mutant abilities too soon.

When her baby was safe, she vowed that she'd make the humans pay.

* * *

Once she walked into the restaurant and found Wolverine in a booth in the back, she slowly made her way to him, looking for any signs of a trap while she went. It wasn't until she was almost to the booth when she noticed that he wasn't alone; there was a female with him.

At first she felt a stab of jealousy, but then she saw the girl's face. It was the face she always imagined when she allowed herself to think of her daughter.

"You just going to stand there, staring, or are you going to join us, Mystique?" Wolverine broke her from her state of shock.

"Would you mind turning into a female for this 'cause I gotta say that looking at my biological mother and seeing a guy is wigging me out, big time," the girl added once Mystique sat down at the table.

"How-?" Mystique broke off, unsure of what the rest of her question was going to be.

"A friend found out that my parents weren't my real parents, and brought Logan and his friends to help me with a situation. It came out that you were my mom, and after tons of pouting and stuff, I talked him into letting me meet you – although he insisted on come with me in case you tried anything," Buffy replied as casually as she could. Hopefully she would find out why she was given away.

So many questions raced through Mystique's mind. The only ones that came out were, "Were you safe growing up? Happy?"

"Is that why you gave her up?" Wolverine demanded, unable to stay quiet anymore.

Mystique looked at the only man she ever loved and said, "I gave her up so that Stryker couldn't do to her what he was going to do to you…or planned to do to me if I hadn't escaped. I tried to go back for you once she was safe, but it was too late; you had already been moved to a new location. Alkali Lake, as it turns out."

"Huh, when you put it that way, I can understand why you joined somebody like Magneto," Buffy said. When both parents looked at her in shock, she explained, "What? I had similar feelings towards the Initiative when I found out what they were doing with demons and their own soldiers. If I wasn't so busy trying to protect the world, I might have done everything in my power to make sure that everyone associated with that group was destroyed. Stryker was doing the same thing as Walsh, only with mutants instead of demons. They were both evil – even if at some point their intentions were good."

She turned to face her mother again and said, "My problem is that you went to another evil monster to get your revenge. Well, that and you were willing to hurt innocents in the process."

Because of the life she led, Mystique wasn't unaware of the supernatural, so that part of her daughter's speech didn't surprise her, but knowing that her baby protected humanity from demons sort of shocked her. "Does that mean you hate me like your father does?" she asked, a little afraid of the answer.

Buffy shrugged. "That depends on whether you keeping doing evil stuff. Not sure about the Professor's group, but mine is all about giving second chances. Heck, half of our leadership has done evil stuff in the past intentionally; the other half has done it accidentally or by omission."

"And you?" Mystique asked Wolverine.

"I'm willing to give you a chance for the kid's sake," he replied a bit reluctantly. "But I won't trust you any time soon." He actually agreed with Buffy. Knowing the circumstances of what happened twenty years ago made Mystique's hatred understandable. When he found out what Stryker did to him, hadn't he felt that same rush of anger?

"Cool," Buffy interjected before the feeling got too oppressive. "Now that that's done…I'm Buffy Summers, your daughter," she introduced herself to her mom.

* * *

A/N: Before anyone asks, while Buffy's willing to risk meeting Mystique, she isn't willing to put Dawn into that danger until she knows whether her mom will remain evil or not.


	4. Chapter 5: August 13, 2013 – Janet and

**Chapter 5: August 13, 2013 – Janet and the Halliwells**

Chapter Summary: **The 'Real Family' Part of the 2013 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts FaD** series. Buffy's family has a very awkward reunion.

Timeline: season 5 for BtVS; season 2 for Charmed and SG1.

Warning: nope

Challenge: for the livejournal 2013 August Fic-a-Day Challenge.

A/N: In case you are wondering what happened to chapter 4, I couldn't post it on this site because it's not allowed. You can go to TtH (tthfanfic . org) to read about Buffy's real son, Edward from the Anita Blake'verse. I have the same authorname there.

If you have any suggestions for family members, please let me know.

Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. Charmed characters belong to Constance M. Burge and the WB. Stargate characters belong to Robert C. Cooper and Brad Wright / SyFy Channel. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

* * *

**Halliwell manor**

**Kitchen**

Prue followed Piper into the kitchen and hissed at her, "Remind me again why we are having Thanksgiving dinner _here_ of all places?"

"Because we've always taken turns hosting dinner, and this year it's our turn," Piper replied calmly as she basted the turkey again.

"But that was before we had demons busting into our lives every other day!" Prue protested. "How are we supposed to explain that to our family if it happens today?"

Piper moved the turkey back to the oven and checked her salads next. "They ate too much and are hallucinating?" she offered glibly. "Let's just worry about that if we have to. I want to have a nice dinner today, okay?"

"Okay, but don't blame me if demons come busting in."

* * *

**Living room**

"Mom, are you sure you're feeling up to this?" Buffy asked with a look of great concern.

Joyce took Buffy's hand and squeezed it tightly. "I missed Thanksgiving here last year, and besides, I'd like to have one more normal family time before I got to the hospital next week."

The expression on Buffy's face didn't clear at all with that explanation. If anything, it just got worse. "But what if Glory follows us here? I don't want our family to get hurt."

"We didn't see anyone watching us leave, and you only gave my cell phone number to your friends so I can't see how she would know where we are," Joyce reassure her eldest daughter.

"Alright, I'll try not to worry so much, then."

* * *

**Conservatory**

"Is this a typical family gathering, JanetFraiser?" Teal'c inquired softly as he watched young Cassie play with Dawn Summers and Jenny Gordon.

"More or less," Janet replied. "People seem a little tenser than normal this year, but I can't say that I'm doing any better. Trying to explain Cassie is a bit of a challenge. And I've had a couple people ask me if you and I are involved."

"Involved?" Teal'c asked.

Janet blushed a little as she clarified, "Romantically, I mean. It's a little odd to be inviting non-family members to Thanksgiving dinner, after all."

"Does that mean you wish to be romantically involved, JanetFraiser?" he asked in that same innocent manner.

Before she could stutter a reply, Janet caught the barest hint of a smirk on his face. "Are you teasing me?" she shot back.

He nodded once, then told her, "O'Neill has been teaching me about Tau'ri interactions – especially between friends. Was that not an appropriate response?"

"It was fine. You just caught me off-guard," Janet assured him, laughing at his attempt now that she knew he wasn't serious. "Remember not to use words like Tau'ri at dinner, though."

"I will do my best," Teal'c vowed.

* * *

**Dining room**

**An hour later…**

"So Janet tells me that you are from Toronto," Joyce commented, attempting to break the very thick ice at the table. "It's beautiful up there. Have you ever been to the Royal Ontario Museum?"

Cassie shot a panicked look at Janet, who answered for her, "Her parents lived outside of the city and didn't like dealing with traffic so they rarely went into Toronto." Janet tried to deflect attention away from Cassie's backstory by asking the Halliwell sisters, "How is it living together again? Have any interesting fights?"

The girls' eyes inadvertently strayed to the various parts of the house where they had battled demons before they blurted out, "Nope!" "No!" "Only when it comes to the bathroom."

Piper and Prue stared at Phoebe in disbelief. "What? Like they're going to believe that we never fight over the bathroom?" she defended herself.

"Joyce, how did that African Art display go a couple years back?" Prue asked, wanting to steer the conversation away from the manor and fighting. "I forgot to ask you back then."

Joyce choked on the bite of turkey she had just taken. Buffy came to her rescue by quipping, "It knocked them dead."

Dawn muttered next to her, "Don't you mean 'alive'?"

Again and again the conversation was changed to a 'safer' topic for the rest of the meal.

* * *

**Front yard**

**A couple hours later…**

Dan and Jenny were walking back to their house next door once dessert was finished. "Is it just me, or is that whole family a little strange?" Jenny asked her uncle.

"I know what you mean," he answered. "At first I thought it was just Piper, then her and her sisters. Now that I've met her family, I've decided that it must be genetic. They all act like long-tailed cats in a room full of rocking chairs."

Jenny grinned at him. "I'm not sure which to tease you about first, that comparison or the possibility that if you have children with Piper, they'd be the same way as her family."

* * *

A/N: I wanted a scene where nothing crazy happened in the family moment. Then I thought that _waiting_ for a crazy interruption could be just as funny.


	5. Chapter 6: August 16, 2013 – Leo

**Chapter 6: August 16, 2013 – Leo**

Chapter Summary: **The 'Real Family' Part of the 2013 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts FaD** series. Some old family ties are discovered.

Timeline: AU for BtVS; pre-season 4 for Charmed; post-series for TIH, but change the dates so they line up.

Challenge: for the livejournal 2013 August Fic-a-Day Challenge.

A/N: Canon change in that I believe Leo didn't have any children, but for the sake of this story, he had a daughter he didn't know about. I'm just going to keep calling 'David' by the Marvel canon name of Bruce. If you have any suggestions for family members, please let me know.

Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. Charmed characters belong to Constance M. Burge and the WB. The Incredible Hulk was based on characters by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby; the executive producer was Kenneth Johnson. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

* * *

**P3**

The Halliwell sisters were enjoying a relatively quiet week – supernaturally-wise – for once. There was no major demon after them…other than the general threat of the Source, just the basic demons to vanquish. As soon as Phoebe mentioned that, Piper shook her head and said, "How strange is our life that _any_ kind of demons could be considered ordinary?"

"I'll just be glad when we find out a way to stop the Source for good," Prue grumbled. She hated living with what felt like a death sentence hanging over their heads.

Leo came back with their drinks and heard Prue's comment. "If anyone can do it, it would be you three," he said with obvious pride and faith in his voice.

As he handed Phoebe her iced tea, their hands brushed against each other, sending her into a premonition. "A girl and a man being attacked in a cemetery!" she hissed softly as she watched it happen. "He's unconscious and she's fighting what looks like vampires. A demon is coming up behind her and is about to grab her!"

Once she opened her eyes, Phoebe looked at Leo and asked, "Vampires are real? How come we've never seen them before?"

"They're real, and depending on which kind of vampire you saw in your vision, you may have seen them before and just not known it," Leo replied. "I can't say for sure because they aren't real welcomed, even in the demon community."

"There are different _kinds_ of vampires?" Piper demanded, sounding a little freaked out.

"Could you see which cemetery, Pheebs?" Prue asked, getting them back on topic.

* * *

**Cemetery**

"How do you feel about being back in California again, sweetheart?" Bruce asked Buffy as they patrolled their second cemetery with 'suspicious deaths' burials in the last couple days.

It was the first time they came back since he rescued her from the mental hospital a year ago. They had stopped off in a town called Sunnydale to deal with a Slayer dream she had about some vampire trying to destroy the world or something…the dream wasn't real clear on that part.

Because Buffy explained to him that vampires need a way to travel during the day, Bruce used his computer skills to hack into the city plans and found a map of the tunnels below the streets. Then they systematically went through the tunnels, laying traps that would be dangerous to vampires while not hurting humans – unless the people had an allergic reaction to holy water for some reason.

There was good news and bad news at that point.

The good news was that they found the head vampire's lair and wiped out most of his minions.

The bad news was that in the fight, Buffy had gotten drained by the Master – as he called himself.

The second good news was that Bruce got so angry by her death that he hulked out and pounded the Master until he dusted, and then kept pounding until bones that were left were powder as well.

The really, really good news was that for the first time ever, he was able to force his change back to Bruce so that he could try to save Buffy. If he had to wait to calm down, she wouldn't have survived.

Now they were headed north to Oregon because Bruce heard about a program there that had research which might be able to help him.

"Apart from the almost dying? I guess it's not so bad," Buffy said. "Thankfully we avoided LA and all the memories there."

He caught a wistful tone in her voice and felt guilty for taking her on the road with him. "Do you miss having a normal life? Should we just try to settle down somewhere?"

Buffy smiled at him – a sight that never failed to warm his heart – and answered, "I'm the vampire Slayer, dad…I won't get a normal life whether we are in one spot or not. You forget that some of our moves have been because of my dreams." She pointed at a headstone and added, "There's our next possible."

The fight started out like a hundred others, but then a bunch of vampires came to find their buddy. When they discovered that he had already been staked by the Slayer, they attacked, knocking Bruce out almost immediately by throwing him into a headstone.

At the same time, a trusted agent of the Source was watching from a nearby mausoleum. So this was the Slayer that so intrigued the Source of All Evil. He wanted to capture the Slayer and either brainwash her into being his enforcer or study her to find out how the Slayer line was created so he could make his own line to target his enemies.

The upper-level demon waited until the vampires – bloodsucking cockroaches in his opinion – had tired her out before making his move. It was doubtful that she had ever encountered his kind before, but why take any unnecessary risks?

Just as he was about to grab her from behind, he was thrown several feet by Prue's telekinesis.

Buffy finished slaying the last vampire before turning towards the noise he made. While she didn't recognize what kind of demon he was, she decided to go with the adage 'most things can't survive without their head'. To be honest, she really wanted to use the collapsible sword her dad designed and built for her.

The Charmed Ones and Leo stood there, staring in shock as the girl they came to rescue calmly beheaded what had to be an upper-level demon before the injuries she took from her earlier fight caught up with her and she collapsed.

"Leo, help her!" Prue ordered unnecessarily as he was already on his way over to the girl's body.

"She has a bunch of bruises and cuts," he rattled off her condition as he worked…most likely a leftover habit from his days as a medic. "The biggest issue is blood loss. She may need a transfusion."

"Unless she's lost half of her blood or more, she'll be okay," a voice startled the group. Oops, they forgot about the man from the vision.

Piper glared at him, unhappy with the unruffled way he said that. It was as if he was used to her being hurt this badly. Then she saw his eyes and the worry that shone from them. "Who are you, and who is she?" she asked in a slightly less brusque manner than she was going to before.

"My name is Bruce Boxer, and this is my daughter, Buffy," he said before shocking them with an observation of his own, "So you are witches? I don't think I've seen that kind of healing spell before, though." He pointed to the blue glow from Leo's power.

"Let's get back to that later," Prue cut in before anyone answered him. "Why were you in a cemetery and why did she have a sword up her sleeve?"

"_How_ did she have a sword up her sleeve?" Phoebe added, amazed at the item in question.

"You don't get to demand answers from us without first giving some," Buffy groggily snapped as she started to wake up.

"How you feeling, honey?" Bruce asked.

"Not as good as Sunnydale, but better than Brownsville," she quipped. Looking down at her body, she was startled to see that her injuries were gone. "How long was I out for?"

"I healed you," Leo said, guessing at what was confusing her.

"Neat. Thanks for that." Buffy stood up and went to hug her dad; she knew that after fights like this, he needed the physical contact to assure himself that he didn't lose her.

That was the first time Leo got a good look at the man. In doing so, he saw somebody he had seen before, but as a different person. "You look like my father!" he exclaimed.

Bruce looked at him and replied, "And you look exactly like my Grandfather, Leo Wyatt."

"What?!" more than one voice shouted.

"Umm, if we aren't going to keep patrolling, maybe we should take this potentially awkward conversation someplace else," Buffy suggested.

* * *

**Halliwell manor**

"How is this possible?" Piper asked after Bruce explained that he was the son of the daughter of Leo Wyatt and his wife, Lillian.

"Well, you see…when a man and a woman love each other very much…" Buffy snarked, "Man, you'd think somebody would have had 'The Talk' with you by this point."

"I didn't know she was pregnant," Leo answered the real question Piper was asking. He was stunned…he had a daughter! And a grandson and great-granddaughter! "Is your mother still alive?" he asked Bruce.

Bruce shook his head sadly. "She died in a plane crash years ago."

"The real question I think we should be asking is how are you related to my dad, and if it's the way I'm guessing it is, how come you aren't old or dead? Are you some kind of demon or vampire?" Buffy demanded, getting ready to defend against an attack if necessary.

To her shock, Phoebe started giggling.

"Sorry, it's just the idea of Leo being evil is so funny," she explained to the offended girl.

Buffy continued to glare at the group. "Uh-huh, why?"

"Because I'm a whitelighter," Leo answered. "Basically an angel, but not in Biblical terms," he clarified. "When I died during the war, I was given a chance to keep helping people by becoming a whitelighter."

"Wow, so nobody in our family is normal," Buffy said.

"Nobody in this room, at least," Bruce corrected.

* * *

A/N: Sorry to cut it off there, but I have to work tonight and need sleep desperately. At least I got the reveal in.


	6. Chapter 7: August 19, 2013 –Tony and Sam

**Chapter 7: August 19, 2013 – Tony and Sam**

Chapter Summary: **The 'Real Family' Part of the 2013 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts FaD** series. Just when her life couldn't get any weirder…it does.

Timeline: AU for pre-movie BtVS; vague for Stargate SG1; vague for Iron Man.

Warning: Probably some OOCness.

Challenge: for the livejournal 2013 August Fic-a-Day Challenge.

A/N: Decided to combine a couple requests for family members. If you have any suggestions for family members, please let me know.

Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. Stargate characters belong to Robert C. Cooper and Brad Wright / SyFy Channel. Iron Man characters belong to Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, Don Heck and Jack Kirby; the producers were Avi Arad and Kevin Feige. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

* * *

**Summers home, LA**

Joyce sat her daughter down to inform her that her and Hank were separating. Because of a contract she signed sixteen years ago, that meant telling her about something else as well. After debating how to handle it, she decided to 'rip the bandage off' so to speak. "Buffy, we aren't your biological parents."

"And you're telling me this _now_ because…why?" Buffy demanded. Seriously, the woman tells her that her parents are splitting up, but also that they aren't her parents?!

"Your father and I couldn't have children the traditional way, so we decided to go with artificial insemination. The man we picked had some conditions for whoever used his sperm. First was that if something ever happened to us – either death or divorce – that he would be notified to be given the option of being part of your life."

Buffy's eyes grew wide with fear. "Is he taking custody of me?" she asked.

"Not if we have anything to say about it. You are still our baby girl and we love you!" Joyce declared vehemently, grabbing Buffy's hands to comfort her while not smothering her.

Nodding, Buffy felt a little better that her not-bio parents would fight for her. "The second condition?" she prompted.

"The mother had to have a genius level IQ," Joyce answered.

"Way to go, Mom!" Buffy praised, then pouted. "Wish I got some of those smart genes."

"You do have them; we had you tested when you were younger and you have a score of 165. You just don't apply yourself at school. But it isn't from me. I was infertile, too, so we used a surrogate mother. During the pregnancy, we became friends, so I give her updates on you in our Christmas cards."

Buffy remembered seeing her mom send quick form letters with most of the cards, but a small novel with one. "The Air Force lady?"

"Samantha Carter," Joyce confirmed. "One last thing-"

"There's more?!" Buffy interrupted. She wasn't sure how much more she could take.

Joyce smiled. "This part isn't so bad. When you were born, we started receiving child support from your sperm donor. We weren't told about it when we chose him because he didn't want somebody using his sperm just to get money from him. We don't know who he is, but apparently he's somebody in the public eye. If it ever came out that he had a child he didn't support financially, it would be a PR nightmare for him."

"Even though that child was being raised by a couple with money?" Buffy asked. They weren't 90210-rich, but they were still fairly comfortable. And the way she was born had to cost a lot, so it wasn't because of the guy's money.

"The public can be very unreasonable in its judgment. Just the fact he was a sperm donor might come back to haunt him," Joyce said.

Buffy snorted, "No pressure on me to behave then."

Smiling fondly as she ran a hand through Buffy's hair, Joyce said, "I can't imagine you'd misbehave anyway…at least not seriously. Just so you know, your father and I set that money aside in a college fund for you."

"Any chance of using a little for a car when I turn 16?" Buffy teased, hoping the bombshells were done for a long time.

* * *

**Five months later…**

Merrick gathered his Slayer into his arms, attempting to console the broken-hearted girl. "I'm terribly sorry about your parents. It's tragic that Lothos discovered your identity and used them as a way to hurt you. This is why it is so important to keep it a secret from people, even those closest to you."

Buffy pulled away and started ranting, "It's not fair! They were starting to get back together!"

"At least you made him pay, and found your passion as a Slayer," Merrick tried to find a silver lining. "If any of his minions survived, they will establish your reputation as a ruthless Slayer."

"Joy!" Buffy snarked. Her Slayer rep wasn't exactly high on her care list.

Even though he didn't want to hurt her any more, Merrick needed to know about her family situation. "Will your aunt fight me for custody?" he asked, referring to the woman who flew in to handle the funeral arrangements and take care of Buffy.

"My parents might," Buffy replied offhandedly, having thought of the same thing.

Merrick looked at her in concern, wondering if she was having a breakdown.

She smiled wanly at him, then clarified, "My biological parents, I mean. I know who my egg donor was, but not the sperm donor. Maybe I'll find out at the will readings tomorrow. He was supposed to be notified if anything happened to Mom and Dad." She went on to explain the conversation she had with Joyce months earlier.

He nodded in understanding, "That could be why we weren't able to find you using the Potential Location Spell. Our coven has been bothered by that since you were Called. When the reading is over, please let me know what happened. It would be better if I wasn't seen with you there. They might think-"

"That you're a perv for hanging out with a 15 year old?" Buffy finished his sentence after he stumbled for words. "Got it."

* * *

**The next day…**

Buffy looked around at the strangers in the room, trying to work out who they all were. Other than a couple of her dad's colleagues and her aunt, she didn't recognize anyone. Then a woman with short, blonde hair and sad, blue eyes came over to where Buffy and her aunt were sitting.

"Buffy, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your parents and I were…friends," she struggled to say. Clearly she was trying to decide whether she should say anything else.

Taking a chance, Buffy guessed at her identity, "Samantha Carter?" When she got a shocked nod in return, she said, "My mom explained to me about the whole parentage thing last summer when they were apart. Thanks for helping them and…you know, helping me be born and all," she finished awkwardly. How the heck were you supposed to thank a surrogate mom you've never met at your parents' will readings?

"Would you like some morale support during the reading," Sam offered.

Buffy just nodded gratefully, feeling the tears welling up and trying to fight them.

Sam already knew Joyce's sister, having met her during the surrogate pregnancy, so she said hi and sat down on Buffy's other side.

Buffy went back to searching for her bio-dad among the people. Then she had a sudden inspiration; there was somebody hiding in the shadows at the back of the room. Maybe he wasn't going to announce himself until the crowd was smaller.

Sure enough, once the bequests were made, the lawyer explained to the other people that the custody of Buffy would be handled privately and 'requested' that they leave. Her aunt and Samantha stayed where they were, though.

The lawyer looked at Buffy with the right amount of compassion and said, "Hank told me a couple months ago that you knew the truth about how you were conceived?"

"Uh-huh," Buffy replied. "Samantha Carter was their surrogate and some unknown celebrity guy was the sperm donor. I assume that's him back there?" she asked, pointing to where the mystery person was sitting.

The man got up and walked out of the shadows. "Good to know that you're intelligent and observant," he remarked.

"Guess I can see why people might think badly of you if you didn't pay child support for me," Buffy shot back. "Am I your only child?" Then she realized how mean that sounded and apologized, "Sorry, that was uncalled for."

Tony waved her off. "Understandable considering the circumstances. Besides, my reputation for being…social is well-deserved. But in those cases, I'm very careful about ensuring that no baby will result."

"You're Tony Stark!" Sam exclaimed unnecessarily. She had a child with Tony Stark! Holy Hannah!

He smirked at her and replied, "And you're Samantha Carter. Hank and Joyce did a great job picking a genius to be their surrogate mother," he commended their choice.

"God, I hope you aren't going to flirt with each other right now," Buffy interjected, bring their attention back to her.

"Nope, but I can't make any promises for later," Tony said with his trademark grin. He sat down across from them and slapped his hands on the table. "So! Who do you want to go with?" he asked Buffy. "I assume that we all are willing-slash-want to have you live with us?"

Both women agreed verbally, a little shocked at the abrupt way he was handling the situation.

"I get to choose?" Buffy asked, also surprised at the turn of events.

"Why not? You're old enough to have some clue what you want. Although, I suppose you probably would want to spend some time with me – and Ms. Carter if you haven't already, before you make up your mind," he suggested a bit more seriously.

"Okay," Buffy hesitantly agreed. Holy crap, how was she supposed to deal with this? She wasn't sure what Samantha Carter did – other than being in the Air Force – but having Tony Stark as a dad? This was going to make being the Slayer soooo complicated!

"I can stay in LA for a few months so you don't have to leave school right away," Tony offered to the relief of the older women.

"And I can take you over the holidays, if you'd like?" Sam added hopefully. She crossed her fingers that nothing would come up at the SGC that made her break that promise.

"Whatever you decide, you'll always be family to me, Buffy," her aunt assured her.

"Thanks," she told all of them. She really needed to talk to Merrick about this.

* * *

A/N: Originally it was going to be Janet, but since I just had Buffy be related to her, I went with Sam.


	7. Chapter 8: August 22, 2013 – Reid

**Chapter 8: August 22, 2013 – Reid**

Chapter Summary: **The 'Real Family' Part of the 2013 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts FaD** series. Career day turns into a family reunion.

Timeline: season 2 for BtVS; season 3 for CM. Move CM's timeline back to match.

Warning: I've only started watching CM the past few months, so my characterization may be a little off.

Challenge: for the livejournal 2013 August Fic-a-Day Challenge.

A/N: If you have any suggestions for family members, please let me know.

Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. Criminal Minds characters belong to Jeff Davis, The Mark Gordon Company and CBS. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

* * *

**Sunnydale High School**

**Career Day…**

Normally, Reid and Garcia wouldn't be allowed out without a minder (meaning bodyguard, not babysitter), but this wasn't a case they were dealing with; it was career day at a high school in California. They weren't sure how the principal or mayor managed to get them there, but since the rest of the team was in LA doing follow-up interviews with witnesses, they weren't too concerned.

Nobody else could do the tech side recruiting as well as Garcia – at least nobody in California could, so she was a given. The others drew straws and Reid lost. He still thought he had grabbed the correct straw. It wasn't that he doubted his knowledge of the job, but he had been told that his social skills could be a little lacking at times.

Rossi just told him that this would be good practice for him then.

Trying to get other people to sign up for the Bureau made him think back to the reason he did it several years ago. Everyone knew that the only career he ever considered was profiling, but not too many knew why.

It started when he was 10 years old.

Even as a child, he was 'quirky', but it was the loss of Elizabeth that tipped the scales to what he became. His parents were concerned that given how much special attention he needed, he would be jealous of his baby sister, but he loved his 'Bethy' furiously. When she was kidnapped, a part of him broke.

As he grew older, he found hundreds of cases very similar to hers from around the world. Young girls who disappeared shortly after they turned six months old. The one thing they had in common were visits from people a few days prior to the abduction. In the case of Bethy, it was a man named Quentin Travers.

Yes, Reid knew the name of the man who most likely had a hand in his sister's disappearance. It didn't bring him any comfort, though, since Travers had diplomatic immunity and without any physical evidence proving he was the one responsible, England wouldn't consider handing him over to even be questioned.

So while he couldn't bring his sister back or get the man who took her, he could at least try to make sure another family didn't suffer like his did. That was the final straw for his father, who left within months.

* * *

**About midday…**

Even though it was a bit slow on the recruiting side, Reid took the opportunity to study what a 'typical' high school was like. Having graduated when he was 12, he knew that his experiences weren't typical…or fun.

He tried talking to the policewoman who was recruiting at the next table, but she completely ignored him and watched the students like she was looking for a suspect. Most of the kids went over to her table, so he thought it was a good time to take a break and check in with Garcia.

Only seconds after he found her in a nearby classroom, they heard shots ring out. "Stay here," he ordered her unnecessarily; she wasn't about to head out into danger regardless. "Call the local police department, then call Hotch," he added. He hoped that the policewoman could handle the situation, but it couldn't hurt to have backup.

Reid was almost to the door before he remembered that he should arm himself. God, he hoped that he wouldn't have to actually shoot anyone, seeing as how he couldn't even qualify on the range. Carefully, he checked the hallway for danger before creeping along the wall towards where he thought the shooting had taken place.

He found the policewoman wrestling with a young blonde girl and then an African-American girl. As he got as far as yelling, "FB-" when the officer grabbed another student and held a knife to his throat. _She_ was the assailant? "FBI!" he called out belatedly.

While he didn't exactly stop the woman, he did distract her long enough for the dark-skinned girl to catch up, disarm and subdue the rogue officer. How had she managed that? She shouldn't have been able to cross that amount of distance in that short of time.

He tabled that question for later and went into damage control. First he went over and secured the policewoman with his handcuffs. Then as he was walking over to where the blonde was talking to two students who apparently were caught in the gunfire earlier, he pulled out his phone and called for an ambulance.

"Can anyone tell me what happened here?" Reid asked the group of students.

A short boy spoke up when it didn't seem like anyone else wanted to, "She called out Buffy Summers' name, then started shooting at her. That wasn't a demonstration, was it?"

"It had better not have been," Reid replied. "Could you tell if there was anyone else with her, targeting other students?" He kept asking questions until the local law enforcement showed up, then he went to find Garcia and let her know he was okay and the situation was under control.

As he went over the students and what they said – or didn't say in some cases – he found himself fixating on the apparent victim of the crime, Buffy Summers. She was shaken up, but not as much as one would expect for a girl her age. And the way she and her other friend, Kendra, fought the trained officer seemed out of place as well.

* * *

**That evening…**

The rest of the team dropped what they were doing and came to Sunnydale when Reid found out that the woman escaped police custody, and the local LEOs didn't bother to put up any roadblocks, or an APB, or even notify Buffy Summers' family that the woman who tried to kill her was loose again. He did find out that she wasn't a real police officer, though.

Hotch used his pull with the LA Special Agent in Charge and the fact that two of his agents were at the scene to claim jurisdiction until the woman was re-captured.

"Let's re-interview the witnesses and see if they can think of anything else that could help us find the unsub. And it wouldn't hurt to know why she targeted Buffy Summers, either," Hotch said. "Garcia, why don't you do a check on both of them."

But finding most of the witnesses was easier said than done. Except for Jonathan Levinson, none of the students were at home or at the local teen hangout, the Bronze. Although that was a little frustrating, the agents hoped that if they couldn't find Buffy Summers, neither could the fake officer…assuming the unsub hadn't _already_ found her.

A call from Joyce Summers a couple hours later assured them that wasn't the case, however. At her request, they opted not to interview her daughter until the following morning. Again at her request, Morgan and Reid stayed at the house to protect them in case the woman showed up to finish what she started at the school.

After the women went to sleep, Reid talked over his observations with Morgan, including his opinion that Buffy wasn't as upset as he thought a normal teenage girl should be. Having watched Buffy's exasperation when she was told the FBI was camping out in her living room, Morgan tended to agree. She was more annoyed with them than she was afraid of the person who tried to kill her. And it didn't appear to be because she was in shock, either. She honestly wasn't worried about the woman.

* * *

**The next day…**

Over the objections of Principal Snyder, Emily and JJ went to the school to keep an eye out for any more attempts on their reluctant victim. Meanwhile, there were several reports of crimes that had taken place over night for the rest of the team to check out for signs of their unsub.

On his way to one of the more promising leads, Hotch called Garcia for an update on her searches. "What do you have for me?" he inquired after letting her know it was him calling, and that she was on speakerphone with him and Spencer.

"Nothing on our shooter," Garcia admitted regretfully. "The name she gave was a fake and her prints aren't in our system. Summers had a slight blip in her records a year ago or so. She was suspected of starting a fire in her school gym, but no formal charges were ever filed due to lack of evidence. She was expelled for 'delinquent behavior' though. That doesn't seem fair, to me. If they had proof she was responsible for the fire, then they should have filed charges; since they didn't, she shouldn't have been kicked out. The suspected fire was the only delinquent behavior on her records."

She paused to take a sip, then continued, "There's another flag on her file about an attempted kidnapping when she was a baby, but that turned out to be a mistake. Her stroller was identical to another stroller nearby at the airport they were in."

"How old was she at the time?" Reid asked frantically.

Startled at his tone, Garcia stuttered a bit, "About six months."

That made him even more agitated. "When and where exactly did this happen?" he demanded.

She typed a few seconds, then said, "Uh, July 13th, 1981, at the McCarren International Airport in Las Vegas. Why? What's going on?"

Hotch answered her instead of Reid, "We'll get back to you on that; it might tie in with an old case." He pressed the disconnect button, turned his head slightly to glance at Reid from the corner of his eye, and asked, "You think this is related to your sister's kidnapping?"

Reid wasn't surprised that Hotch knew about Bethy; it made sense that his boss would know everything publicly available about the people on his team. It also didn't surprise him that Hotch didn't bring it up until he felt it was necessary to. "That was the day she went missing, and the man we believed was responsible was from England. He flew out of McCarren that day."

"Okay, then after we find our missing unsub, we can go to Joyce Summers and ask her about that day," Hotch offered, reminding Reid they had work to do before they could chase the past. He pulled over in front of one of Sunnydale's many churches and said, "We're here. There was some vandalism and a small fire last night. We need to be careful inside because they haven't cleared it yet."

"What is with the professionalism in this town? First, the police department not following basic procedures concerning escaped prisoners and now the fire department not clearing a possible arson scene," Reid complained. Despite his difficulties with the physical aspects of his job – like qualifying on his firearm – he believed in upholding the standards of his profession. People depended on the police and fire department to keep them safe, but it didn't sound like they should in Sunnydale.

They walked into the building together, carefully looking for any danger from falling debris or evidence that their unsub had been there. It appeared as though the fire began in the sanctuary, but there was a strange smear of something on the floor in front of the doors leading to that room. The fire wiped out any immediate hint of what it was. Forensics might be able to find out, though.

"Got a body here!" Reid called out, finding a bleach-blond man trapped under an organ and some columns. He leaned over and felt for a pulse. "He's dead!" Since there wasn't anything they could do for the man, he left the body for the locals to recover, even if they had to force them to do their jobs.

Hotch yelled back from his side of the room, "Got another over here! It looks like our unsub," he added after examining the face. "She's gone as well."

"There goes our hope to finding out why she targeted Buffy Summers," Reid commented. "Unless somebody else attacks her in the future for the same reason."

"Let's call the fire department and get them to search for other bodies," Hotch said, knowing that it was a near impossibility for anyone to survive the amount of smoke this fire would have generated, even if they survived the flames.

* * *

**Sunnydale High Library**

It had been Ms. Summers' choice to talk to the BAU agents in the library as opposed to an empty classroom or her home, and even stranger, she insisted on having the librarian with her. Given his protective attitude towards her – as opposed to the principal's indifference about the attempt on her life – the agents thought maybe he was dating the girl's mother.

"She's dead?" Buffy repeated dully after they gave her the news. "Gotta say that's a relief. I don't like it when people try to kill me."

The blasé way she said that had JJ asking, "Do people try to kill you often?"

After a quick glance at Mr. Giles and a moment of thinking about her answer, Buffy vaguely replied, "Not technically, but badness seems to follow me around."

Following his instincts, Hotch handed Buffy one of his cards and said, "If anyone tries to kill you again, and the police here don't take it seriously, call me. We'll do what we can."

It concerned all of the agents that Buffy snorted a little, like she was trying to fight back a laugh. What did she find funny about this situation?

Hotch gestured to the other agents to leave him and Reid alone with the girl and her chaperone.

"Is there something else, agent?" Giles inquired politely.

"In the course of our investigation, we uncovered something about Ms. Summers that has ties to an old case concerning Agent Reid's family. We were hoping to talk to her mother about it," Hotch answered.

"Why her?" Buffy demanded to know.

"Because you were too young at the time to remember the incident," Reid replied.

"What was the incident?" Giles asked.

Hotch debated whether he should say anything, but ended up deciding that if they wanted Joyce Summers' cooperation, he should be honest. And it didn't seem as though much unnerved the young woman. "When you were about six months old, your mother was worried that somebody attempted to kidnap you at the airport in Las Vegas. While she found you later, that incident happened on the same day that Agent Reid's baby sister was taken from his family," he explained to Buffy.

Buffy's face went from wary to sincere sympathy at that news. "I'm sorry about your sister," she told the younger agent.

On the other hand, Giles' face was one of carefully hidden shock. He knew the name Reid and Travers' failed attempt to bring in a Potential from the States. It was a source of great embarrassment to the man when they found out the baby he returned with had no hint of being a Potential Slayer. It took a decade of politicking before he was in the upper circle of the Council again.

Could this be why they never knew about Buffy before she was Called?

But how could her parents not notice they had somebody else's baby?

He would have to discuss this with Buffy after the agents left them alone. She wouldn't be happy to know that her parents might not be her real parents after all. Not to mention, how would they explain the truth to Agent Reid without implicating Giles as being in a ring of kidnappers that stole Buffy from him years ago?

* * *

A/N: Ugh, spent so much time with the backstory that I never got to the reveal. Maybe I can find a way to do a sequel later this month that handles it after I figure out how to do it without getting Giles arrested.


	8. Chapter 9: August 25, 2013 – Luna

**Chapter 9: August 25, 2013 – Luna**

Chapter Summary: **The 'Real Family' Part of the 2013 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts FaD** series. Separation takes its toll on twin sisters.

Timeline: pre-series for BtVS; I don't know, like book 4 or 5 for HP? Whenever Luna would be 15-16 years old.

Warning: maybe a little heartwrenching.

Challenge: for the livejournal 2013 August Fic-a-Day Challenge.

A/N: If you have any suggestions for family members, please let me know.

Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

* * *

**Mental Hospital, Los Angeles, CA, USA**

Joyce looked through the observation window at her little girl with tears in her eyes. "Is this an escalation of her earlier fantasies about a magical world with people using wands and invisible animals only she could see?" she asked the doctors. "Would she be okay if we hadn't indulged her in those stories?"

Despite the fact they were in the process of going through a divorce, Hank put a comforting arm around his wife. "It might be genetic, Joyce," he reminded her. "We don't know anything about her birth family. The adoption agency couldn't locate anybody willing to admit to dropping her off at the group home. All they could do was assure us that she was physically healthy."

They told the doctors about the stories Buffy told them from the time she could talk. Tales about wizards and witches, evil dark lords and the boy-hero who defeated on as a baby, creatures like hippogriffs and nargles. Each tale more fantastical than the one before.

One doctor in particular was astonished at the detailed descriptions Buffy told, then later wrote down, for her stories. Astonished, and very alarmed. This could turn into a violation of the Statue of Secrecy. Fortunately, in a town near Hollywood, it could be passed off as another idea for a supernatural show or movie.

More interesting to this muggleborn witch-turned muggle mind healer were the central characters of Buffy's good vs. evil stories. Instead of the local heroes and villains that American children would know, she was talking about the players from the last war in Britain.

The latest addition of fighting vampires was a lot easier for the witch to explain, although it saddened her that the girl had a death sentence over her head. It was clear the girl was a newly-Called Slayer, and apparently one that wasn't trained/protected by the Watchers Council. Slayers didn't normally live long to begin with, but those without a Watcher died almost immediately after being Called because they didn't understand the new world they were thrust into as the protector of humanity against demons.

She would have to get in touch with one of her colleagues in Britain to help the poor girl. At least to find out how she knew about the Wizarding World; she knew nothing could be done about the Slayer part – apart from finding her a decent Watcher who wouldn't just kill her to get a dependable girl (ie. Council-trained) to replace her.

* * *

**Hogwarts, Hogsmeade, Scotland**

"Is Luna going to be alright, Madam Pomfrey?" Harry asked the school nurse after he and his friends found Luna by the edge of the Forbidden Forest with signs of being in a fight.

Turning to her most-frequent patient – apart from the hypochondriacs like Draco Malfoy – Poppy sighed and replied, "I'm not certain, Mr. Potter. Do any of you know why she would be fighting demonic vampires in the Forest?"

"Demonic vampires?" Hermione asked, surprised that they hadn't been told about different kinds of vampires in DADA when they covered dangerous 'creatures'.

"How did you know she was fighting vampires?" Harry asked at the same time.

Poppy pointed to Luna's clothing and said, "I recognize the vampiric ash on her. Plus she had a stake tucked up the sleeve of her robe."

"What do you mean demonic vampires?" Hermione tried again.

Ginny cut her off, saying, "Not the time, Hermione! We need to find out what happened to Luna. You can research vampires later."

"Could she be a Slayer?" Neville wondered aloud, surprising everyone, both by his knowledge and that he would speak up without being asked to.

"How do you know about Slayers, Mr. Longbottom?" Headmaster Dumbledore inquired, having just come into the infirmary with Professors McGonagall, Snape and Flitwick behind him.

Neville paled when he saw the attention his question garnered. "When my family was afraid I might be a squib, they contacted the Council about getting me trained as a Watcher, sir," he stuttered.

"Interesting," Dumbledore murmured. "Mr. Longbottom may be onto something with his Slayer theory. I'll have to contact the Council about the possibility. I believe the last one was in the state of California somewhere. Perhaps her death caused Miss Lovegood to be Called."

Hermione was near frantic with questions about the topics being discussed that she didn't understand. She would definitely be getting some answers later, and since Neville sounded like he knew some of them, she'd start with him.

"Are her injuries serious?" Professor Flitwick asked the nurse.

"If she is a Slayer, then she should make a full recovery by morning," Poppy replied. "If not, then I may need to take her to St. Mungos."

Just then Luna started muttering something in her sleep. Ginny leaned over to listen and repeated the words for everyone else's benefit, "Merrick. No! Lothos! Mommy and Daddy! Buffy. Watch the Veil!" she cried out, sounding eerily similar to Luna.

* * *

**Headmaster's office**

**Several hours later…**

It was a testament to how discombobulated Dumbledore was that he didn't offer a treat to his guests when they joined him in his office once he returned from the Watchers Council. His four heads of houses were there, as well as Madam Pomfrey and Luna's father, Xenophilius Lovegood.

"The Council can't explain it. The other Slayer, Buffy Summers, is still alive, and they have no indication that Miss Lovegood is a Slayer, despite the fact she fought demonic vampires and is still alive. Miss Summers recently defeated a Master vampire by the name of Lothos, but made the mistake of telling the truth about vampires to her parents afterwards. She is in a muggle hospital for mind healing.

"Even more unusual, they just received a call from one of the mind healers treating her, saying that Miss Summers has been talking about the Wizarding World for years, even though she comes from a strictly muggle family and shows little signs of being magical apart from being the Slayer. The healer is confused because she talks about people and places in our part of the Wizarding World, not her own. She has stories about Voldemort and Harry, Hogwarts and nargles," Dumbledore recounted.

Xenophilius physically reacted to that. He doubled over like somebody had punched him in the stomach. Poppy was at his side in seconds, asking, "Are you alright?"

He ignored her to ask Dumbledore his own question, "Do you have a picture of Buffy Summers?"

"No, but I could request one," Dumbledore replied. True to his word, he quickly scratched out a note and handed it to Fawkes to deliver to the Council.

"It may just be wishful thinking on my part," Xenophilius began, "but something very few people know about Luna is that she had a twin sister who was stolen literally at birth. Selene had just delivered Luna and was about to deliver our second daughter when a flash of lights surrounded her stomach and our baby disappeared."

"Selene never gave up hope of finding Luna's sister and reuniting them. The spell that killed her was supposed to help her locate our missing daughter. We were sure that she was still alive because occasionally Luna would start talking about things that we knew with absolute certainty she couldn't know about…things we theorized were happening to her sister somewhere else in the world," he explained to the shocked group.

Fawkes arrived with an envelope, which Dumbledore quickly opened and peered at the contents. He gasped at the photo, instantly recognizing the girl that it showed. He handed the picture to Xenophilius, who started sobbing at the sight. "My baby is alive!" he kept crying over and over again.

The picture that he held onto with a death grip showed a young girl who was the spitting image of his beloved Selene at the same age.

"Perhaps we should bring Mr. Lovegood to the infirmary so he can be with Luna when she wakes up," Professor McGonagall kindly suggested.

* * *

**Two days later…**

A fully-healed Luna couldn't be dissuaded from joining her father and the Headmaster in going to the United States to speak with the people who adopted her twin sister, Buffy. She needed to see with her eyes as well as her mind and heart that Buffy and her life were real. To be honest, she was beginning to fear that she was as loony as people claimed her to be all the time.

Once she assured herself that Buffy was real, she'd find a way to help Buffy slay vampires. Luna didn't care what the statistics said about a Slayer's life expectancy; she planned to grow old with her twin, and nothing would stand in her way!

* * *

A/N: That last 'declaration' from Luna felt like the perfect place to end this ficlet.


	9. Chapter 10: August 28, 2013 – Jon

**Chapter 10: August 28, 2013 – Jon**

Chapter Summary: **The 'Real Family' Part of the 2013 LiveJournal's Twisted Shorts FaD** series. Her family is now a sci-fi Jerry Springer episode.

Timeline: Five years after Chapter 7 'Tony and Sam'; during what would be season 5 for BtVS.

Challenge: for the livejournal 2013 August Fic-a-Day Challenge. There used to be a challenge on TtH (#2792) about Buffy being Clone Jack's 'mom', but it's disappeared.

A/N: For the last entry in this collection, I decided to make a fun/strange chapter even more strange…and hopefully fun. Thanks for all the encouragement and ideas; sorry if I didn't get to your choices.

Disclaimer: BtVS/AtS characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

* * *

**Factory**

Buffy decided to check out the place where she got the glowy orb thing while the gang researched it at the shop. There she found a skanky blonde chick who hit like the Hulk or Thor and a beaten guy in a robe. She figured the guy was the one who lost the orb. At the very least, he probably didn't deserve being tortured by the skank demon.

After she jumped out of the window with the guy, she tried to get as far away as possible, but that wasn't very far considering he was dying. He must have realized that she was the Slayer, though, because he started talking about a Key. "No. For centuries it had no form at all. My brethren, its only keepers. Then the Abomination found us. We had to hide the Key, gave it form, molded it flesh... made it human and sent it to you as a sister."

Confused, Buffy said, "I don't have a sister. Are you sure you sent it to me? There is another Slayer named Faith who's in jail."

Even though he was clearly weakening, the monk managed to shake his head slightly and insisted, "The Key was sent to the Hellmouth…to you. You must find it and protect it. It does not know what it is; it- _she_ is an innocent you must protect."

Before she could say anything else, he gave one last sigh and died in her arms.

* * *

**Magic Box**

**Next day…**

"What the hell is going on, Giles?" Buffy shouted. "How can I protect this Key thing when I don't even know where it is or what it looks like?!"

Giles pulled out a book and mentioned, "Anya said something about a 16th century French sorcerer by the name of Cloutier who had a spell to see the residual effects of other spells. If you could manage to cast it, you might be able to find the Key-person."

"Mom! I'm going to the store for beef jerky and beer!" Jon called out from the back door.

"Stop!" Buffy yelled back. "You'd better mean _root_ beer, mister."

Jon growled in frustration; he had really hoped that catching her while she was distracted would work this time.

Buffy smiled at him and said, "I don't care if you have the mind of an Air Force Colonel, I'm not letting any child of mine drink alcohol before _I'm_ the legal drinking age. Whoa, how weird does _that_ sound?"

"Fine! Do you want anything?" Jon asked resignedly.

"Nah, all good."

After he left, Giles stared at the door thoughtfully, then asked, "Do you think that perhaps it might not be a sister, but somebody else? After all, Jon's appearance in your life was rather unusual."

"That's an understatement!" Buffy snorted. "My teenage son who's only about five years younger than me because he's the clone of a forty-something year old Colonel who impressed some aliens, but they screwed it up and they needed some Slayer DNA to keep him from dying…not to mention that said Colonel and clone both have a crush on my bio-mom who was the surrogate for my parents who decided to have the baby of two geniuses, one of whom is a multi-billionaire. I forgot, what was my point?"

"That Jon couldn't be the Key the monk was referring to," Giles finished for her.

She shrugged. "That I seriously _hope_ that he isn't the Key the monk was talking about," Buffy corrected him. "Finding out he was Jack's clone sent him for a big loop; finding out his 'mom' is the daughter of his co-worker-slash-romantic interest? I'm surprised his brain didn't explode. But this Key thing? _Way_ too much to put on him!"

Unfortunately, with her family's luck, that probably would turn out to be the case. Sighing, Buffy said, "Okay, let's do the spell so I can find out one way or the other."

* * *

**Bonus Scene:**

_How to defeat a god, the SG1 way…_

"How did you get the President to authorize such a gigantic expense?" Sam asked her commanding officer, General Hammond.

"I just explained that it involved the fate of the world as verified by SG1 and the Slayer," Hammond replied. "Apparently when you agree with Buffy on world security, there's very little we can't ask for."

"What do you say…could the world's safety depend on each of us having a box set of 'The Simpsons'?" Jack asked Buffy. Sad thing was, she was willing to bet he was a tiny bit serious at that.

"Let's just get this thing set up so we can kill Glory before she gets Jon," Buffy pleaded. He might be some mystical Key shoved into a genetically-engineered clone, but he was still her son, and she'd do anything to keep him safe.

They got the backup Stargate into position and hooked it up to the massive generators.

"How does this work again?" Giles inquired.

"Well, we're hoping that even though the zats didn't affect Glory, the unstable vortex created by the wormhole will be strong enough to disintegrate her," Sam answered. "We're setting it up here because we don't want to risk the SGC being destroyed by her."

* * *

**Second Bonus Scene:**

_How to defeat a god, the Avengers way…_

Thor and Buffy took turns pounding the Hellgoddess with their respective hammers, kind of like they were playing a bizarre game of tennis, but without a net and with Glory being the 'ball' they were using. After a few rounds, she shifted back into Ben, which made Buffy pause in her hitting. Thor – more used to magick tricking the senses into allowing an enemy to escape – did not.

"Whether the Beast was in control of the body or not, this was not an innocent being," Thor explained. "In comparison to the Beast, the male body might seem that way, but he did his fair share of evil acts which allowed her to continue in her own evil."

Meanwhile, Hulk was busy smashing all the scabby minions as Black Widow and Hawkeye used less lethal methods to subdue the humans. They saw the demon named Doc come flying off the tower as Iron Man hit him with a repulsor blast just before he could make the first cut on Jon.

* * *

A/N: The events of the episode are slightly twisted to serve my purposes.

As for the second bonus scene, I highly doubt Glory would have gotten that far in her plans, but I thought it'd be a kick to see the fight using the Avengers.


End file.
